26th November, I stood at the aisle of Nazareth O.T. Talking to Bibhuti sir, with my senses straying on what was going on inside the O.T number 3. I could see Bluecy on O.T table, while Livingstone talking to her. Anil ran in hastily, bit late, as expected from him, did not waste any time, rushed inside O.T. And The First Cry.
For a moment I was lost. It was the beginning of a new phase for my life. The Fatherhood. Quite a moving juncture. Someone in the line, someone from me, was born. Someone undeniably a part of me was born. Someone I could always cherish and celebrate, for every actions she would ever take.
I stood there, just smiling and nodding my head, watching Anil busy with baby. Brilly and others came out with the news "Its a girl." I said "Thank You". Bibhuti and others congratulated me. Dennis was the first one to call up on mobile.
A cold November ending at Shillong. The nurses carried baby to baby room as I followed her. There sister Dari greeted me in. She was kept in baby warmer. After sometime the sister asked me "you want to carry her." I said "sure". I asked sister for one click of me and my baby.
That was how the much contemplated month of November was ending for Bluecy and me.
November did not start up well for me. A reflection at November ending would echo how it all started from month of March.
It was on 13th April, when Bluecy and I had headed to Steve at Bethany USG room. Steve showed us the intra uterine beating heart. That was the onset of pleasure for both of us. It was the same evening, reporting of the first Covid case at Meghalaya. Till date I would always ponder on the 13th of April, if I could visit Sailo sir at his room. A blended reaction, donned in both the jitters of guarding of own family and altruistic respect for Sir. Altogether it was a journey that had started at same time as Covid.
Sitting at home, following the ordered quarantine, the evening of 24th April, with the news of Rymbai sir being brought to Nazareth, and me being called up to join Diam for the first Covid duty at Nazareth. Leaving Bluecy at home with her pregnancy, for covid duties, was also a worry. So were the risks of returning home after the regular non covid duties. During Bluecy's follow up check up, I was on the top floor of Nazareth, waving at Dora and her, as I gazed at her pregnancy bulge growing. Dora and Bluecy had paid me a visit while I was quarantined at MATI. I glanced them, a far glimpse from the top floor of the executive room of MATI, against the green dark shades of late evening. It was Dora who had spotted me early from the car and waved at me. After Rymbai sir discharge in safe healthy state for home, I made my way to home. Cyclone Amphan had made landfall that evening at Kolkata.
The next Covid duty call was in July. The patient was an old aged female, really in a bad state. That was the starting of the unending Covid duties, round wise. Since then we kept on receiving patients. The second round of Covid shift, did not cause much jitters. It was more concerning than the first round with Dr Rymbai certainly. Some good memories of the second round were the early morning 7 am call for a patient in respiratory distress. Diam called "arnab lets run". That was a suspect patient, my first intubation in Covid ward, it had turned negative though. The patient also had made it, later. Second reminiscence was an alcoholic young male crashing at mid night in suspect ward. Diam called up "arnab come running". Abhijeet was there with his fancy post apocalyptic mask. We had managed to resuscitate him for night, only for Diam to declare the patient early morning. Third remarkable moment was Himjyoti sir feeling ecstatic as our patient was improving, she made her way out of the high flow nasal Airvo. We did not lose any covid patient in that round too. The ill was lying in wait.
Debu sir had pulled Diam and me out to replace us with Neel and Ashutosh. The scourge had turned up in their time. With two grim and third reaping, lingering for my turn. My third round, I had done with Ashutosh and Neel. My first Covid intubation was then. My each episode at Covid ward was always a learning session. An obese panicking patient, bleeding from nosetrils, partly due to the dry high flow oxygen from Airvo. I was left in dilemma between a desaturation state and a nose bleed state. The high flow nasal cannula would not supplement a botroclot packed nose and a high flow NRBM was not helping the hypoxia status. Other reminiscence from my second innings include my hot debates with patient attendants. Worst was a patient attendant telling me "you had said its little corona, not more corona." I didn't know what to do with that patient party. That session ended well with some of the worst patients recovering. We had sadly lost some. I had finished my that session after Kunal. I had good learning working with Neel, Ashutosh and Kunal.
The Covid ward had the critical area on its right and stable section to the left. Spending time with stable patients would seriously feel like selling vegetables in market. Then came the attendants of the patients. Dealing with them would remind me of the line from my School teacher "har pal kuch naya".
The third innings came after Diam had left. I guess that was the worst entrance I had started up with. The first morning shift, was with Rosie alone managing six critical cases, one intubated, one on NIV, two on Airvo, two on NRBM. There were other 14 stable cases on other side waiting to eat my head with their non covid, luxury demands. A total twenty patients to look into with an astronaut suit on. I had just started my venture into the critical case files, that Rosie shouted "Dr Arnab". One heavy patient was on floor. Till date I don't know what was he trying to do. Rosie and myself picked him up on bed somehow, stabilized him, that after ten minutes another 'Dr Arnab' scream from Rosie, this time from the adjacent room. As I reached there I saw the patient on NIV, unresponsive, bradycardia, desaturating. A ward girl came to help me and Rosie with her little knowledge about the crash cart trolley articles. Any little act of kindness is always respected. We did intubate and save that patient too. In my that innings, I did lose some patients too. Managing to save the most. Some remarkable reminiscence were the stench of sweat soaked scrubs, the throbbing pang around the ears caused by mask string. The unending hassle and headache caused by fogging of glasses. The dripping sweat drops. The ache in the legs from prolonged standing. The soreness over nasal bridge. The bids to remember the new noted points about the patients. Sometimes the essentials would be missing. Sometimes the nurse would be caught up with something else.
It was this session that I had heard my colleague telling me "don't enter that room, the patient is on high flow, aerosols are there to infect you", and "Don't spend much time nearby the patients, your duty is to write orders, let the nurses manage the rest", and "why are you doing so long duties, what if you get infected."
For any one instance, there shall always be a hundred different opinions from hundred different people. You can never do anything about that. I still remember the incident of me being tested false positive from Neigrihms, and my finishing the 14 days quarantine, inspite of being tested negative twice in follow up, a senior colleague calling me and persuading me to stay away from hospital for atleast one month. Maybe Robert Anton Wilson was correct in saying that we live an age of artificial scarcity, maintained by ignorance and fear.
Certainly the duties were high strung. It was never easy to wear the PPE for seven hours in one go, and think, about twenty plus patients. At times, after doffing, in my room, while shower I would wonder, what if I am tired enough to let the virus infect me. There was a time when I glanced from my window, at the husband of the wife who had just passed away under my hands. I watched him, strolling at parking area in red jacket late evening, while I smoked my cigar rete, I messaged my wife "see his plight, I feel so sorry for him, he was so hopeful of me and I failed him."
Times can be very grueling. Although I don't have much of faith, yet I wonder what if one acts likes Lord Shiva, consuming the venom from samudra manthan, to save the world. He had survived the incidence with follow up title of Neel Kanth. A possible analogy can be the ones for the Post Covid health care workers.
Then came the month of November for me. It was 31st October, I remember well that was my last night on covid duty from my fourth session, that I had the feverish feeling, I had a qualm that I might have got it. IPL was on. I told myself, let me go to hotel and watch my KKR play. Funny me.
My hotel stay was an uneasy one. I told my wife "I think I finally got it, after escaping it three times." The bodyache and tiredness would douse my in slumber while I would sit to finish the night IPL matches. I read the 'Impending Doom' status of Anirban sir, same time, later got news he had suffered same fate as me while at Covid ward at AIIMS Delhi. The day times I would sit in sun, speculating the role of Vitamin D. Again. Funny me.
I would ponder at what my senior had told me "why are you doing this, what if you get infected". I would enshrine at the old man, whose pancreatitis I had missed out, focusing on his other comorbidities. He was a jolly old man, not complaining about anything. The complaints part had gone missed out from my examination, only when his abdomen distension and clinical deterioration had shown up, it was already late. Something Dr Rymbai used to tell while in Bethany "don't have a tunnel vision" "your ability to anticipate makes you a better clinician than others." The intubation and other incentives were of no use. It always had hurt losing a patient. Always. There is nothing as certain as death inevitably.
November had started with me updating Nothing last forever, nothing even cold November rain, from my fav Gn'R. It did rain at November starting. My wife had unending woe when I told her about my symptoms. Her due date was November end. I would keep telling her not to worry. IPL did not go well for KKR. Even Eoin Morgan could not take the team anywhere after the qualifying drama. On fifth day I went for testing. I did my own RAT, which gave double line. I called up Diam for a corona care center. Debu sir called up asking to stay at hospital. And I was a covid being transported in 108 to hospital. A very stable covid surely. Walking around in Covid ward without PPE was certainly a prejudice. A ceding moment for me. I remember Dr Debu laughing at me "Doctor without PPE." It was unimaginable to be able to walk in covid ward without PPE. Could be the virus imparted a sickness partly and a dynamism under veil. I felt like untouchable. Surely fear is more contagious than the virus itself.
Losing the CKD patient during my fifth innings was a surmounting anguish. Saving the other two critical cases, specially the late night intubation, was a feather of some condolence. I bade my goodbye to covid ward, while I was still positive status and headed for home, trusting what I had learnt, what I had believed, what I had practiced. Ardent regards to Debu sir and the Covid team for a standout. A testimonial from Rymbai sir "The battle is won with an efficient team leader and diligent foot soldiers. Lose anyone of the two and the battle is lost."
25th November evening, I brought Bluecy and Banri to Nazareth. Waited for the advent of Olivia.
I did join back Covid in December. But felt like doing covid before fatherhood was better.
The whole nine months were a battle against a pandemic as Bluecy made her way to deliver Olivia. It was never easy for Bluecy. More than half of the time of her pregnancy I could not be with her. A big gratitude to the family I have been gifted with. People call of covid heroes. Behind the heroes there are always family members forming a support for the person to go ahead for the danger. We are all harmonized with human relations. So its always a collateral damage for any hit taken at any end. In the end the pandemic did cause more of the phobia than the threat in itself. The person on covid ICU bed is also having someone waiting for him or her to return back home, and there has to be someone to help that to happen. I still remember the nurses on Covid duty returning home, to self isolate, and their kids trying to greet their mother, as she trying her best to isolate herself. So many covid diaries to reel off.
In the end that's how my sweet November ended. Happy Ending. Wishing everyone good heath and a successful vaccination drive.
Mankind was born on Earth, It was never meant to die here : Cooper.
