Licking the Shit

1st lesson - Shit Happens.
2nd lesson - But we get used to shit. So neither over react nor react immediately.
3rd lesson - There is shit all around us. Out of all shits, we choose the best shit for ourselves. & we fall in love with that. But remember, our life is already full of shit. So if you think someone made your life shit, means the person just added some more shit to your life.
4th lesson - Making yourself adapted to shit won't make your life beautiful. Keep trying to wash off the shits.
5th lesson - PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON. IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, THEN YOU OUGHT TO REMEMBER THAT GOD HIMSELF LOVES TO ADD SHIT TO YOUR LIFE. & if don't believe that, then practically, your mind is already full of shit.
6th lesson - Press the clutch alongwith the brakes, but after taking your string off the accelerator.
7th lesson - If you are reading this, out of so many things in the world, you took out time to read this, that means, you really like shit.
8th lesson - shit is shit

lets sing Dumb by Nirvana

Speaking Bullshit again

Hmmm....
Sign in. Then redirecting. Then the dashboard opens. & a new post.
What to write now. Its 2 am. 8 june 2011. Fear of practicals hanging over my head. Am not sure if I will be able to pass or not. An honest confession, when I wasn't able to cope up with the syllabus, be it medicine, or surgery or gyne obs or paeds, I was reflecting back on the times I wasted in january & february, right after the things took a negative swing after the end december incident. Well, even after the barechest round in early march, I thought I would be able to give my 100% effort to leftover time, but I wasn't. I was still infected. Rest of the stuffs, late may, I got a notice, early june, after my obs exam, I got the treat, but the final treat is still left. Lord knows how I will survive that one.
Whatever.
She said - "Arnab, time heals. So give it time. You will be alright."
& what did Po say? He said - "Scars heal". & Shen replied - "No they don't. Wounds heal".
I don't care what the fuck heals. I am better with it being the same as it was. I want it to be just the that way only. It feels good. Really. But it would definitely feel better if I pass this bloody exam. It will be a miracle if I give a clean chit.
That's what I told Akash today, sitting on the fly over - "Whatever you wanna do, do it before your final year. Don't let anything go wrong in final year. Better settle the scores beforehand only. Or you will land up in a position like me".
Again, I will say 'whatever'. God didn't care till now. I won't be surprised if He doesn't care in future. Why blame God always? Bad habit.
& as for the truth, we don't learn to move on. We learn to live with it. That was the one piece of speech from the old Ghosh sir - "the quality of man which differentiates him from the rest of the animals is, doesn't matter where you throw him, no matter how worse circumstances are, he always learns to survive in it & stand up again". That was when I went to him after I got reffered.


& finally I decided to buy some Harley Davidson stuff, & get a hair transplant, & some permanent tattoos. Times will be harsh from now on. Things have surely changed alot since 25th december 2010. & as for the guitar. I was determined to learn some songs, which I was unable to do last night. Both Nothing Else Matters & Patience were tough to be taken down on my guitar. I will give it time later.

& yeah... some corrections. If you happen to read my blog, & if you read the article Being Physical, do observe that I wrote in it of doing the biceps triceps workouts on the same day. Now that's incorrect. We never exercise the counteracting muscle on the same day. As for me, biceps & shoulders go together, & triceps & back go on same day.
& for my last article - Is This The End, I left it with loads of question marks to end with, the truth is, I myself am not sure what exactly was I referring to end. Surely that article appears alot insane. But no offence in it. Madness is life. Life without madness is lifeless. I have referred to some songs in the article. Just add one more to it - Black of Pearl Jam.

So smile :)
Surely a man who learns to smile in adversity, knows a mature way to deal with life. 

Is This The End???

"Stings like a scorpion
Drinks like a fish
Eats like a wolf
Burrows like a rodent
Kills like a leopard"

This is what is written in acute pancreatitis. She told me to read this.
By the time I was reading this, I found that she went off.

Hmmm.... Now what to do... All I can tell you is... is that the best blog is coming soon...

& for now, am wondering which song will I make you listen to-

25 minutes by MLTR or Blaze Of Glory by Bon Jovi
or Hey There Delilah by Plain White Ts

ha ha ha
Well, Delilah is set off for somewhere else, leaving me to keep listening to her songs. Right now my condition is that I can't even switch onto some hardcore metal songs also...



IS THIS THE END ????????????????????????? ????????????????????????? ????????????????????????? ????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????

Exponential Growth Curve

Its 3 am. Somehow took out time to write something. I just wanted to write coz it has been a while I wrote something. Rishi & Kawalkar just keep asking – u havn’t written anything? That is about blog. Its good to find that your blog is secure. Secure from the ones you don’t want to make read. Very few read my blogs. Very few. Not even Pranay who got me into this blogging. Blame me for that. My writs are so long. I just can’t finish anything in a short & sweet fashion. Nothing.

Dead night surely looks good. Final year is killing me softly. Lack of freedom to do what you want to do tortures you slowly & slowly. Medicine postings starting again. All I wonder is – why can’t these fucking sadist old pot bellied professors keep going on with their everyday lives without bothering us? Fucking leave them.

Am watching some good movies. Net is connected. Akash & me are doing good with the Fribzi connection. Watched ‘Social Network’. With that I remember I wrote just now some bullshits on facebook. I was not in my senses. When am I in my senses either? Watched Guzarish & kept thinking about her. Watched ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’, got some relief. She is just muddling my mind. It started from the January 2010 & still going on. I thought she will be out of my head by the summer. But no. Rain came & her thoughts made me even sicker with the hovering dark clouds. Then came autumn. If summer heats couldn’t save me from her, how can the falling leaves of autumn do it?

All I knew is that the graph will be taking an erect parabola shape. But how much angle it will be possibly making at what time of the year, I wasn’t sure about that. I also had no idea about slanting parts. All I knew is that. That. That I was in love. Again bullshit. She just keeps creeping into my mind again & again. & this whole graph thing is just an imaginary figure of our relationship. Yeah. Sounds creepy. But it is like that.

This graph picture was a kind of déjà vu for me. Although it was showing me a parabola shape, I wanted it to be an exponential growth curve. It may become constant after some time interval. I just didn’t want it to show any kind of negative deflection anywhere.

I want this graph to go exponentially increasing upto infinity.

Hmmm. Sounds terrific.

But not exactly. After what happened in the surgery blue book. Blame the damn network for that. They kept it pending till morning. & I kept boiling here whole night. Guess I made her boiling too.

& then there was this spoiler part in my room. The spoiler part keeps coming during exam times. Either I go to the spoiler. Or the spoiler comes to me. The stories of the spoiler just kept spoiling her image in my mind. What is happening? Is the reader getting anything?

The image. Her image. In my mind. As if it is planted by God. Watered & nurtured well. Getting full sunlight & air. & its gonna become a tree with deep roots, if I don’t stop it.

The winds did tell me – She ain’t any angel.

Yet I keep singing – Ain’t no sunshine when she is gone.

Stupid. Who? I don’t know.

Frustration sucks. Frustration of not getting her. Déjà vu tells me that I won’t get her. But whats driving me crazy is my love for her. & this love bloomed out in the middle of harsh winds, heavy rainfall, severe sandstorms, of my everyday life. I just stood infront of the mirror & reflected – this love isn’t going anywhere. But no. Her smile twinkled. Her eyes flaunted. Her hairs swanked. & my heart collapsed. Surely ‘collapse’ is the right word. You fall in love. You don’t rise in love.

After that. Aftermath.

I kept praying to God for my love. Bless it. Sanctify it. Call forth it. My love.

For my love is true.

& my heart can’t live without you.

Darling! Plz don’t bid me adieu.

Woo woo.  

Wow. What a poem. But one thing I will confess. I am in love with her. Although I am serious. I will to pretend of being not serious. Coz I don’t see any good reason for this love story to even have a graceful tune.

But. Its true that love knows no reason. I now finally admit it. I keep hearing of her slip ups, her miscues. But still, I just love her. Maybe my love is true. But she cannot love me.

So I will just put an end to it here.

More. I want to become muscular again. Again waiting for some new tours. That’s all.

I just keep waiting for her. Shit. Bullshit. Why doesn’t this just end?