Covid diaries

 

The Advent.

First time I heard news of covid quivering was while I was at Sundarbanns, January 2020, breathing easy with my family. Rudimentary take was, be at ease. Odds of being like sars h1n1. The concern had raised later, with the proceedings at Italy. The unsettling speculation was how a developing over populated country would cope with a disease that was afflicting the European nations. Still I waited for steps being taken by frontrunners of my hospital. And it did cause concern with the first gathering that was addressed by Shantanu sir and Michael sir. But for the common man, the attitude did not show much of concern. The advent did pose entirely a different response. Its just like if you cast an obscure threat to a group of people, the responses of each one will be different, and chances of a reasonable answer will be nominal. Yet the preparation that was set up by the government was fairly good, even if not rational. It was 13^th April, 2020, the fateful night, when the news of the first covid case had brought the city down on its knees for a prayer. And the case happened to be a benevolent beloved figure in medical fraternity. There was definitely no soul in my discretion who wasn’t daunted by that news that night. The unknown entity had driven in fear, the fear gave birth to arbitrary retort, that channeled into stigmatization and intolerance, further leading to anger. 15^th April, 2020, I was woken up early morning to the dreading news of demise of Sir. As I kept up with the tribulations across his hospital, his uncouth sepulture. All just had come in to add woes. 26^th April, was the evening when I had got first call for covid duty, and the patient was another valiant soul from medical fraternity itself. As he himself battled the unknown, had seen Sir withering infront of his eyes, everything seemed pretty uncertain. But he stood up to tell his tale and serve the society during the tenacious calamity.

Sweet November.

Since the advent of the strained circumstances, my journey towards fatherhood had also set in. Times had been like I stayed away from family for weeks, as my wife started relishing the quickenings. As I battled the hours in PPE, with blurred specs, causing headache, shoes soaking in sweat, nose constantly itching, the regular pang behind the ears because of mask, and the uncertainty of the patients’ fate. One stirring evening was when I stood at my window, enkindled my leaf, as through the fog I beamed the man in red jacket strolling alone helplessly in hospital parking, pondering over the next step to do, as his wife’s death body I had just packed up. I called up my wife and narrated the sad incident. Times rolled on like that, until November came, the due date month for my wife. As I was stuck with fever and cough, as I sat in quarantine, I messaged my wife “I think I finally got it”. The following day I tested positive, I just told myself “why you came so late”. That night it rained as I hummed the lines : nothing lasts forever, even no November rain. I did recover soon and could attend the first cry of my child in the aisles of O.T. That made the journey to a sweet November.

The Cataclysm.

The first wave did waver down gently, leaving some bittersweet memories down the lane. As the country opened lockdown, disaster lay ahead with origin of the delta variant. By March, as India was getting absorbed into the peak of covid, we waited for the wave to come to us. I remember talking to my friend in Delhi in March, as I told him “we are still waiting for a case, what about you”. He replied “pray that you don’t get what we are facing.” We thought we were prepared for it. We were wrong. We were caught on wrong foot when admitted cases went from 7 at the start of my duty in April, to 21 in one week, to 40 in two weeks, to 96 in next two weeks. One day while on duty I had five intubated patients and I mulled over on thin ice as to recovery odds of my ventilated patients and averting ventilation for the ones on HFNC. Spending 16 hours in PPE, with less than six hours sleep per day, as I saw my grueling colleague speak out “I can’t do it anymore”, I really wondered the plight of Delhi, as I saw the picture of burning pyres, graveyard full of ashes. By July, cases showed some downward trend. While on non covid duty, as I walked past the door of covid ward, a single glimpse of the inside evoked memoirs of tinging smell of sweat, blurred vision, the confusion about next step for the deteriorating patient, and yes the weariness. After reaching home, as I lay flat on my bed at night, I wondered what a respite would it be with no phone ring rattling you. That was cataclysm.

The Habit.

“Its okay to be positive” a healthcare worker saying it casually at the door of ER. That’s the habit. I remember when I had failed in Anatomy in first year MBBS, it was the most inconceivable thing for a school topper to experience. My Anatomy H.O.D, saw my doomed face, and uttered “Wonder what makes human beings the most assertive creature on earth! You throw a man in the worst possible ruins and he will ascertain how to carve a remarkable life out of it in some years.” As I see around today and think of April 2020, I understand how humanity can live it up against all adversities.

“Mankind was born on Earth, it was never meant to die here” Cooper to Murph, Interstellar.

Sweet November

 26th November, I stood at the aisle of Nazareth O.T. Talking to Bibhuti sir, with my senses straying on what was going on inside the O.T number 3. I could see Bluecy on O.T table, while Livingstone talking to her. Anil ran in hastily, bit late, as expected from him, did not waste any time, rushed inside O.T. And The First Cry.

For a moment I was lost. It was the beginning of a new phase for my life. The Fatherhood. Quite a moving juncture. Someone in the line, someone from me, was born. Someone undeniably a part of me was born. Someone I could always cherish and celebrate, for every actions she would ever take.

I stood there, just smiling and nodding my head, watching Anil busy with baby. Brilly and others came out with the news "Its a girl." I said "Thank You". Bibhuti and others congratulated me. Dennis was the first one to call up on mobile. 

A cold November ending at Shillong. The nurses carried baby to baby room as I followed her. There sister Dari greeted me in. She was kept in baby warmer. After sometime the sister asked me "you want to carry her." I said "sure". I asked sister for one click of me and my baby. 

That was how the much contemplated month of November was ending for Bluecy and me.

November did not start up well for me. A reflection at November ending would echo how it all started from month of March. 

It was on 13th April, when Bluecy and I had headed to Steve at Bethany USG room. Steve showed us the intra uterine beating heart. That was the onset of pleasure for both of us. It was the same evening, reporting of the first Covid case at Meghalaya. Till date I would always ponder on the 13th of April, if I could visit Sailo sir at his room. A blended reaction, donned in both the jitters of guarding of own family and altruistic respect for Sir. Altogether it was a journey that had started at same time as Covid. 

Sitting at home, following the ordered quarantine, the evening of 24th April, with the news of Rymbai sir being brought to Nazareth, and me being called up to join Diam for the first Covid duty at Nazareth. Leaving Bluecy at home with her pregnancy, for covid duties, was also a worry. So were the risks of returning home after the regular non covid duties. During Bluecy's follow up check up, I was on the top floor of Nazareth, waving at Dora and her, as I gazed at her pregnancy bulge growing. Dora and Bluecy had paid me a visit while I was quarantined at MATI. I glanced them, a far glimpse from the top floor of the executive room of MATI, against the green dark shades of late evening. It was Dora who had spotted me early from the car and waved at me. After Rymbai sir discharge in safe healthy state for home, I made my way to home. Cyclone Amphan had made landfall that evening at Kolkata. 

The next Covid duty call was in July. The patient was an old aged female, really in a bad state. That was the starting of the unending Covid duties, round wise. Since then we kept on receiving patients. The second round of Covid shift, did not cause much jitters. It was more concerning than the first round with Dr Rymbai certainly. Some good memories of the second round were the early morning 7 am call for a patient in respiratory distress. Diam called "arnab lets run". That was a suspect patient, my first intubation in Covid ward, it had turned negative though. The patient also had made it, later. Second reminiscence was an alcoholic young male crashing at mid night in suspect ward. Diam called up "arnab come running". Abhijeet was there with his fancy post apocalyptic mask. We had managed to resuscitate him for night, only for Diam to declare the patient early morning. Third remarkable moment was Himjyoti sir feeling ecstatic as our patient was improving, she made her way out of the high flow nasal Airvo. We did not lose any covid patient in that round too. The ill was lying in wait.

Debu sir had pulled Diam and me out to replace us with Neel and Ashutosh. The scourge had turned up in their time. With two grim and third reaping, lingering for my turn. My third round, I had done with Ashutosh and Neel. My first Covid intubation was then. My each episode at Covid ward was always a learning session. An obese panicking patient, bleeding from nosetrils, partly due to the dry high flow oxygen from Airvo. I was left in dilemma between a desaturation state and a nose bleed state. The high flow nasal cannula would not supplement a botroclot packed nose and a high flow NRBM was not helping the hypoxia status. Other reminiscence from my second innings include my hot debates with patient attendants. Worst was a patient attendant telling me "you had said its little corona, not more corona." I didn't know what to do with that patient party. That session ended well with some of the worst patients recovering. We had sadly lost some. I had finished my that session after Kunal. I had good learning working with Neel, Ashutosh and Kunal.

The Covid ward had the critical area on its right and stable section to the left. Spending time with stable patients would seriously feel like selling vegetables in market. Then came the attendants of the patients. Dealing with them would remind me of the line from my School teacher "har pal kuch naya".  

The third innings came after Diam had left. I guess that was the worst entrance I had started up with. The first morning shift, was with Rosie alone managing six critical cases, one intubated, one on NIV, two on Airvo, two on NRBM. There were other 14 stable cases on other side waiting to eat my head with their non covid, luxury demands. A total twenty patients to look into with an astronaut suit on. I had just started my venture into the critical case files, that Rosie shouted "Dr Arnab". One heavy patient was on floor. Till date I don't know what was he trying to do. Rosie and myself picked him up on bed somehow, stabilized him, that after ten minutes another 'Dr Arnab' scream from Rosie, this time from the adjacent room. As I reached there I saw the patient on NIV, unresponsive, bradycardia, desaturating. A ward girl came to help me and Rosie with her little knowledge about the crash cart trolley articles. Any little act of kindness is always respected. We did intubate and save that patient too. In my that innings, I did lose some patients too. Managing to save the most. Some remarkable reminiscence were the stench of sweat soaked scrubs, the throbbing pang around the ears caused by mask string. The unending hassle and headache caused by fogging of glasses. The dripping sweat drops. The ache in the legs from prolonged standing. The soreness over nasal bridge. The bids to remember the new noted points about the patients. Sometimes the essentials would be missing. Sometimes the nurse would be caught up with something else. 

It was this session that I had heard my colleague telling me "don't enter that room, the patient is on high flow, aerosols are there to infect you", and "Don't spend much time nearby the patients, your duty is to write orders, let the nurses manage the rest", and "why are you doing so long duties, what if you get infected."

For any one instance, there shall always be a hundred different opinions from hundred different people. You can never do anything about that. I still remember the incident of me being tested false positive from Neigrihms, and my finishing the 14 days quarantine, inspite of being tested negative twice in follow up, a senior colleague calling me and persuading me to stay away from hospital for atleast one month. Maybe Robert Anton Wilson was correct in saying that we live an age of artificial scarcity, maintained by ignorance and fear.

Certainly the duties were high strung. It was never easy to wear the PPE for seven hours in one go, and think, about twenty plus patients. At times, after doffing, in my room, while shower I would wonder, what if I am tired enough to let the virus infect me. There was a time when I glanced from my window, at the husband of the wife who had just passed away under my hands. I watched him, strolling at parking area in red jacket late evening, while I smoked my cigar rete, I messaged my wife "see his plight, I feel so sorry for him, he was so hopeful of me and I failed him." 

Times can be very grueling. Although I don't have much of faith, yet I wonder what if one acts likes Lord Shiva, consuming the venom from samudra manthan, to save the world. He had survived the incidence with follow up title of Neel Kanth. A possible analogy can be the ones for the Post Covid health care workers. 

Then came the month of November for me. It was 31st October, I remember well that was my last night on covid duty from my fourth session, that I had the feverish feeling, I had a qualm that I might have got it. IPL was on. I told myself, let me go to hotel and watch my KKR play. Funny me. 

My hotel stay was an uneasy one. I told my wife "I think I finally got it, after escaping it three times." The bodyache and tiredness would douse my in slumber while I would sit to finish the night IPL matches. I read the 'Impending Doom' status of Anirban sir, same time, later got news he had suffered same fate as me while at Covid ward at AIIMS Delhi. The day times I would sit in sun, speculating the role of Vitamin D. Again. Funny me.

I would ponder at what my senior had told me "why are you doing this, what if you get infected". I would enshrine at the old man, whose pancreatitis I had missed out, focusing on his other comorbidities. He was a jolly old man, not complaining about anything. The complaints part had gone missed out from my examination, only when his abdomen distension and clinical deterioration had shown up, it was already late. Something Dr Rymbai used to tell while in Bethany "don't have a tunnel vision" "your ability to anticipate makes you a better clinician than others." The intubation and other incentives were of no use. It always had hurt losing a patient. Always. There is nothing as certain as death inevitably.

November had started with me updating Nothing last forever, nothing even cold November rain, from my fav Gn'R. It did rain at November starting. My wife had unending woe when I told her about my symptoms. Her due date was November end. I would keep telling her not to worry. IPL did not go well for KKR. Even Eoin Morgan could not take the team anywhere after the qualifying drama. On fifth day I went for testing. I did my own RAT, which gave double line. I called up Diam for a corona care center. Debu sir called up asking to stay at hospital. And I was a covid being transported in 108 to hospital. A very stable covid surely. Walking around in Covid ward without PPE was certainly a prejudice. A ceding moment for me. I remember Dr Debu laughing at me "Doctor without PPE." It was unimaginable to be able to walk in covid ward without PPE. Could be the virus imparted a sickness partly and a dynamism under veil. I felt like untouchable. Surely fear is more contagious than the virus itself.

Losing the CKD patient during my fifth innings was a surmounting anguish. Saving the other two critical cases, specially the late night intubation, was a feather of some condolence. I bade my goodbye to covid ward, while I was still positive status and headed for home, trusting what I had learnt, what I had believed, what I had practiced. Ardent regards to Debu sir and the Covid team for a standout. A testimonial from Rymbai sir "The battle is won with an efficient team leader and diligent foot soldiers. Lose anyone of the two and the battle is lost."

25th November evening, I brought Bluecy and Banri to Nazareth. Waited for the advent of Olivia. 

I did join back Covid in December. But felt like doing covid before fatherhood was better. 

The whole nine months were a battle against a pandemic as Bluecy made her way to deliver Olivia. It was never easy for Bluecy. More than half of the time of her pregnancy I could not be with her. A big gratitude to the family I have been gifted with. People call of covid heroes. Behind the heroes there are always family members forming a support for the person to go ahead for the danger. We are all harmonized with human relations. So its always a collateral damage for any hit taken at any end. In the end the pandemic did cause more of the phobia than the threat in itself. The person on covid ICU bed is also having someone waiting for him or her to return back home, and there has to be someone to help that to happen. I still remember the nurses on Covid duty returning home, to self isolate, and their kids trying to greet their mother, as she trying her best to isolate herself. So many covid diaries to reel off.

In the end that's how my sweet November ended. Happy Ending. Wishing everyone good heath and a successful vaccination drive. 

Mankind was born on Earth, It was never meant to die here : Cooper.

Black

The Black Album. Metallica. Was the band's best sold album.
First time I had heard of Metallica was from cousin brother Shantanu. Back then he had made his way to IIT Powai. I was still struggling to make my way to medical college. He had recommended me to listen to it. Later when I reached college, I lent my ears to Metallica from Stephenson Pohlong. That was the year of 2006. 'A' block at JNBH, MGIMS, sevagram.

The song Nothing Else Matters used to remain in my list of most played songs on my mobile, in the year of 2007, when I had suffered a 6 months back after failing in Anatomy. That was a time when I was made way to Metal songs. I remember India creating rattles in 2007 T20 World Cup. I would feel very ticklish to make way to a crowded TV hall of JNBH to watch any match. Those roars of each sixes hit by Yuvraj Singh, would lurch my heart to join the crowd, but I wouldn't.

I was pulled to TV hall by my batchmates only later. I remember watching Joginder sharma bowling the last delivery, Misbah Ul Haq scooping it to Sreeshant. And the JNBH tv hall went mad.
Same was during 2011, we had missed the Dhoni six cause someone stepped over the plug on floor in a packed tv hall, and the screen went off power.

I guess I switched on to Nothing Else Matters after a long time. Not that "I switched". Better it be "I COULD switch". That shall be a more appropriate line. It needs a proper occasion for a proper song.  

One positive report, although it was a false one, led me to go back to aeon of bummer. For one evening only though, yet I found my way back to the Black Album.

JNBH days were different. Room was full of posters. Had Altec Lansing speakers. Guess I did almost everything at college, except studying. Wish I had studied back then. Maybe had I studied well back then, I would not be here at Shillong now, doing Covid duties. haha.

I have done Covid duty only once till now. When Rymbai sir was brought in Nazareth. I still remember that evening. The first message that flashed on mobile was from Tariang sir stating they are shifting Teibor to Nazareth because of breathlessness. He was the second victim of covid who had turned critical. Otherwise in Meghalaya, then he was the eighth person who had covid. We had heard of only Sailo sir succumbing to the disease, we did not want same fate for him.

I did not sleep that night, packed up my bags early morning, set out for the novel. My ally Dr Diam had taken charge of Rymbai sir for the night. I just wanted to see him as soon as possible. When I entered the Covid HDU and saw him across the glass pane, I really wondered 'Is that him'. His first words were "I am ready to accept whatever comes." After spending the first evening with him in covid HDU, when I joined Diam and the devout, altruistic nurses for dinner, I told Diam "he does not look good." The one line of Diam hit the chord "We can't afford to lose another healthcare worker. this is just the starting. It will go as a very depressing message to the society. Keep everything ready for him."

From then, we did make progress. Under the navigation of Dr Debu, we cruised well and could accompany Rymbai sir for corona care stay after hospital discharge. That was the second quarantine for me. Rymbai sir was never marked as covid case by government citing they never found the virus in his samples. After the repeated Rt PCR were turning negative, we turned to H1N1, that also was turned out via our Flu Panel. In the end the repeated antibodies gave us a shoulder to rest on that we actually had managed a covid case well. Thanks to Civil hospital for doing atleast one good thing, doing the Ct scan for him. Seriously, just with one case I could come up to write a blog. I wonder for our dear mates, managing dozens of comorbid covid cases everyday, spending 8 hours in PPE straight at a temperature of 40 F, that also the Mumbai humidity. No lavish quarantine like us. No sight of when it will end and how it will end. 

I had a nice time with Rymbai sir. I remember the corona care ward boy taking Rymbai sir for climbing two sets of stairs while I was busy in arguing with authorities to arrange for wheel chair. By the time when I reached up, I found him lying on bed, breathless again. Every now and then I would have to explain the dyspnoea grading and reasons for his breathlessness to the authorities there over phone. Rymbai sir scolding another ward boy why he was so shit scared of us. I had dropped my guards when Rymbai sir was ready for discharge. Often he would tell me to maintain safety. I would say I am waiting for second call for covid duty. Even Diam is still waiting for it. Honestly there is always a big difference between a volunteer and a person forced to take care of a covid patient. I really missed Diam after he left for quarantine. Lets see what comes for us in coming months.

One of Rymbai sir patients had literally made his way into Nazareth covid HDU, faking covid symptoms, just to see his great doctor. And he was really happy after he saw Rymbai sir. Same was about a girl who had come for sample collection, she just had come to wish him good health since he used to treat her father. Some people are really very good.

I did not switch to the Black Album even then, because I did not have the woofers. Listening to Metallica on mobile speaker is like eating raw mango. Haha. 

This is the third quarantine for me. Because I had received a report saying I am positive. No contact no symptoms for my family either. A routine test. Fortunately my hospital tested me two times consecutively, same day, reporting negative. Yet I was ordered to stay for another home quarantine. The lab which gave my first report positive was closed for maintenance citing contamination and altered reporting possibilities. Government never clarified the matter. Media created havoc. Sad state of affairs.

Surely my locality was scared of me. Some of my family members too. I used to call ourselves Zombies after covid duties, how the public would react towards us. 

Staying alone, is ardent. While I was at the corona care center, in some way it was very tranquil. Dr Rymbai would often talk of priorities, in each one of our lives. Had it not been what I had chosen after I finished college, I surely would not been here today. Had I not joined Bethany, I would have never met him. He would tell about his post graduation days. I would reflect back on my biking years. Seriously travelling makes you a better person. You meet different people. In the end you realize we are all humans albeit the differences in our beliefs. 

The State is still safe compared to how the matters are in rest of India. But it was never about that. My collegemates, often recite their stories of struggle at Mumbai. It was never about if I could get infected. You can never say that Army guy in war shall not suffer injuries. At same time you cannot tell the army guy to manage a dying patient. Or tell a Doctor to play a pull shot off a Shoaib Akhtar bouncer. A health crisis has too be managed by doctors and nurses. Being infected and toiled is part of the care. Something I told Surajit after he finished his testing "we are all in this together bro." But in the end society has always caused more trouble compared to Covid. 

Most of the times its all about perception. When I had told my parents about my first report, there was a dread silence. When I told the same to my Uncle "Oh. Great. Now you will get the antibodies." When I told my parents about what the media was writing about me, they said why are they doing like this. When I told my uncle same "Now you are going to be the next Amitabh bacchan, they will ask what you did what you ate etc etc." Yes it did remind me of Peepli Live movie how the media and public behave.

Ibn Rushd — 'Ignorance leads to fear, fear leads to hatred, and hatred leads to violence. This is the equation.'

While I was at the corona care center, the Arijit Singh song 'Bandeya' had hit the chord. There is always a song for every occasion. While Rymbai sir lay on his bed in the ER 6 room, he had chosen to watch the movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. A fruitful movie to watch if you make your way out of ICU. 

Well with 'Black', only one song does ring bells to me. Black by Pearl Jam. There was a time I would put this song on repeat. That was in college days, the final year. Yes, there was a Black by Sevendust. That was always in my gym playlist, even to the Iron House gym days. 

But more from the Black Album of Metallica, definitely Nothing Else Matters takes the score. Following it goes the Apocalyptica cello cover of the same. Another file, the William Joseph piano cover. But honestly all tracks from the Black Album were too good. Yes, it does match my current scene. Lets make a horrendous face. Wink please readers. Enter Covid. Sad But True i was negative. Holier than Thou, although in future if infected. You shall remain Unforgiven. Wherever I may roam, don't tread on me. Of course Nothing else matters than a dedicated medical profession. OF the layman and The Man. For the God that failed. My dear Mate of misery, how the society sees you. And the struggle within, both for the patient and the care taker.

Seriously there is nothing much to do when I sit at quarantine. Gyms got closed so many months now. The speed with which I finish movies is more than the speed of downloading. Yes. Books. surely. Badminton was swallowed by rain. Later when the rain went away,  my covid report ate my fate of getting any company. Seriously. Lets make a horrendous face. 

I shall be indebted to Dr Michael for his efforts to guard my faith in myself. Rest. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Can't help it. Lets make a horrendous face again. 

Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance : Francis of Assisi.

I am sure for Rishi, he still cling to reading blogs. I miss his company. 

An Ode to Sir

I guess the first time I had met him was back in 2016, when I had submitted my resignation at Nazareth, as was anxiously searching for a job at some other hospital, and yes, definitely to find a support for my bodybuilding as well. I remember I had just ventured inside Bethany then, made my way to Director office just following the sign boards. It was so easy, unlike in Nazareth, where u will be obstructed by someone asking u "who r u, whom u want to meet." 

Before entering his office, I read his name, a long name, and then my eyes glanced on 'AIIMS'. He had done his MD from AIIMS. Glancing that it sent a bit of shivers down my spine thinking 'he is a big shot, I don't know what he will do to me.'I remember I had worn my formal blue collared T shirt, and just made my way into his office. He looked at me and said "yes come in." 

With my first gesture for a job vacancy, ogled at me and made the first sentence "do u do gym?" 

I said "yes sir".

"Oh, I hope none of my patients get scared by looking at ur physique." Then he broke into a laughter prompting the guy sitting next to him also to smile at me. Then he told me "you submit ur CV at our admin block, we will get back to u." 

That was my first meeting with him. Then I had joined Neigrihms, carried on my gym, bodybuilding, won Mr. Meghalaya 2017. Neigrihms contract got finished. Again jobless.

In desperation I again had gone to meet him in the month of October 2017, as my last resort if he takes me. And he was not there, he had gone out of station. That had given me a jolt of dejection and had made me jump to the conclusion of packing my bags for Kolkata. 

On reaching Kolkata, my extreme desire to return back to Shillong had prompted me to open bethany portal and apply for a job. And it was a few hours past that I got a call saying "Sir would like to meet you."

I had packed my bag hastily, bade my parents goodbye, geared up my bike, rode back to shillong after few days of the call.

I guess it was somewhere around last week of November, 2017, I went to buy a new pant, citing my big 28 inches bodybuilder thighs then. I remember it was Tuesday , and Pantaloons was closed. I was wondering if they celebrated Hanuman diwas. I headed to Uptown Closet and got an oversized formal trouser, for my formal meeting with Sir.

I went to meet him, second time, in my life. I wore a white shirt and black trouser. I was waiting infront of his office. He walked out from ward with his patient attendants following him, him greeting everyone, with an eternal smile on his face. I walked ahead and stood infront of him. He looked at me and smiled and told me to wait a moment. Later he called me inside his office. I sat infront of him. 

Again the first question from him "Do you do gym?"

"yes sir". He asked again "have we met earlier." I just lied to him and replied no sir.

Then he asked "Do u do anything other than gym cause your body looks quite big."

"Yes sir, I do bodybuilding. I won Mr Meghalaya this Year."

He got so excited . He called up the senior medicine consultant and introduced me to her "we have Mr meghalaya with us now."

This was a sweet reminiscence of Sir. I had worked with him since december 2017 till June 2019. 

He was definitely a very delightful character to work around with in hospital. A very supportive, a father like figure. 

The next month after my appointment in the hospital, he had invited me to join him for an outing at his Nongpoh farmhouse. We were greeted by his extravagant hospitality. 

My next some months tenure, working at his hospital, was very care free. Until I was lifted to the assignment of taking care of hospital quality, with the quality team. It was then that my unfolding of sour rapport had set in. 

But even then whenever I had approached to him for help, he never was reluctant to offer an helping hand. It was always evident that he wanted a happy environment around him, both for patient and the staff. He never wanted to create a strain. 

When I was in my college days, one wise person had once told me a famous line : If you don't have any enemies, means you are doing something wrong.

Somewhat impart that with the famous line from Winston Churchill : you have got enemies. Good, that means you have stood up for something.

By mid of the year 2019, I really wanted to leave Bethany. I had made almost half of the hospital my enemy. Basically because I wanted to create an apple tree from an existing orange tree. Humor.

I had hinted Sir about my leaving, to which he always said no. I still remember my second last meeting with him at his office when he said "I will step down to see that you will not leave. I will support you." After few weeks, I again landed up at his office with my second resignation letter, asking him to let me go. He asked "why do you want to leave us?"

15th April, 2020. As I lay on my bed asleep, a very early morning call on my wife's phone, gave us the dreaded news. I heard it and turned towards the wall and quietly wondered 'what went wrong'. 

I had never imagined that news would come up.

In the month of January, while I was relaxing in Sundarbann with my wife and In laws, I used to read the updates about China facing the deadly coronavirus. We never had thought that we too shall have to wonder about our country updates for the same, each hour, just two months from then. When I returned back to my duties, I remember Jerry asking me in gym "doctor what do you think of this coronavirus?" I used to tell them it will be just another SARS or MERS or H1N1 stuff. Nothing to worry. I guess the same was the attitude at most of the places in our country.

In February, it actually created worry when Covid ravaged through Italy, India reporting its first case in Kerala. There were conjectures coming up for a needed lockdown in future. 

In March, Dr. Shantanu called us for the first class on Covid. And he clearly started with 'none of us have seen a pandemic before, but here we are going to face one. there is something big coming towards us.'

At home, in laws, everyone used to act very care free. At any notion, it was a very common reply "nothing will happen to us, our land is blessed."

There were some moments when it used to come to my mind, should I recount the crisis being foretold, or should I become an object of their jokes if really nothing happens here. 

People would continue to stay absorbed in their daily activities. No social distancing, no precautions.

And at hospital it would always expound as to get ready for the threat. Surely an educational institute of medicine is an entirely different place than a casual society.

Once one remark did come : our hospital is very proactive, maybe the most prepared one at this stage.

My wife was still at Bethany hospital, 9 years of service as staff nurse. Myself, had again rejoined Nazareth since July 2019. I used to daily drop and pick up my wife for duty and home, unless I was busy. There had always been contrast in the groundwork between Nazareth and Bethany, or, Nazareth with any other hospital of the state. Something I would always commend Nazareth for. Yes being a staff of Nazareth, a person like me, would constantly be brought to light to awareness, learning. Its always good to learn. 

The month of March went by seeing the number of cases gradually rising in the country. North east stayed unscathed for quite long. Until the Nizamuddin incident broadcasted. The words 'superspreaders' started coming up in news headlines. Still Meghalaya remained unhurt. 

The isolation duty roster came in. The donning doffing of PPE classes started doing rounds. I seldom would tell my wife "our turn will come. I will go." Yes my wife would hint uneasiness. 

Before I would leave for the isolation duties, I had one wish if my wife conceives. And that good news came in soon. We did USG and Steve gave us a good report. EDD 4th of December.

The night of 13th, after my wife's USG report came in, she came back from duty, and I was packing for my night shift. We had a dispute at home that she should take rest and my wife was unwilling to let go off Bethany so soon. 

Nights at Nazareth ER with seeing lesser patients, with lockdown going on. When I went to doctor's room and got shocked to see the update 'Meghalaya's first covid case a doctor.'

Shillong, a very small place, population 1.43 lakhs, news flies in a snap. In no time, I heard about Sir.

The hospital was sealed. Government officials had sleepless night. The whole city knelt down for prayer.

I was ordered to report for home quarantine. It was dismay to come back home to prepare to stay for next 14 days, not going out. 

That night I asked my wife once "How is sir?" She replied "he is maintaining saturation I heard."

I just told myself 'nothing will happen to him, he will be fine.'

Yesterday while I was surfing for a suitable message to send to Peter, I chanced upon this line;

'The trouble is You think You have Time.' by Gautam Buddha.

We don't understand the value of the case until it happens to us. There are definitely some people who even then also refute to learn. But there are some enlightened souls with us, who believe to keep studying and enlightening people. 

Sir did not go well. His last rituals could not be attended by his family. Then there were pack of fools who created dilemma in his last rituals. I wish this was not how it should have ended.

The following evening of 15th, I had to put up an update : social stigma, ignorance, unscientific beliefs will cause more harm to society in India compared to corona. 

The next day one of my in laws added me in family group, where I tried to bring everyone to notice to refrain from any form of unscientific activities. But I believe people will not change.

Rejecting a patient for dialysis, just because of his travel history. Keeping a myocardial infarct patient, outside in cold, just because he has travel history. Staring at a health profession, closing gate on a person from the family of a health personnel, hinting a person belonging to a creed because of the ongoing idea in the country about one gone wrong congregation. 

Someone truly said : this one tiny virus has played its part in displaying the true colors of human beings. 

Yes danger is real. But not fear. Fear has led to losing the respect of one human towards another. 

I wish I could have been with Bethany team, battling up against something that so suddenly came up on them. A battle was lost, but hope not their spirits. My dear comrades had put up a brave fight, risking everything. In the end that shall always be remembered and will continue to inspire someone willing to do good for humanity. We lost a beautiful soul. I wish we were better prepared. I wish it was not him. But in the end wishing is the last thing a helpless person can do. 

I wish the person reading this understands the need to open your eyes and be never so late that you can't help a wonderful person.

I will end with the last lines of Sir to me "I cannot stop you from going. Its your right to go. But I wish you had stayed with us."

I would tell the same lines to him now.