My Love

I am writing a love poem. Can someone believe it. Last time I wrote of love was in Love Actually. And I, actually wrote this one way back in the days of my 12th standard. It was spring season. And I saw someone on the streets, just before entering the quarters where we guys used to stay as paying guests in Kota. It was normal for us coz we would always land up staring upon awesome looking girls everytime we were on the streets. The streets of Kota are just like that. I don’t know how they are now there.
And why I put up this poem on my blog, is just because a great friend of mine made an expression like this – “I didn’t know ur English is so good.” They made some English section incharges in the college magazine. I still burn when see those names, not only names, they gave photos too, in their everlasting magazine. Great work brothers. Well, I am not blaming anyone. & I should not blame also. Coz these were the people who fought hard in college elections. So they deserve to take some good posts, doesn’t matter even if it appears a crap on them. Surely looks childish enough.
This poem bloomed from where all of a sudden, I don’t know. Those were surely the days when I still studied the subject English at school. So there was enough exposure to literature everytime. But right from the time I left school, I lost the magic touch of the beauty of English language. I stopped reading novels. Nowadays, very often, if also I can take out time, I would land up with the modern literature. You know. Everyone knows. Dan Brown, Stephenie Meyer [twilight series], Paulo Coelho, J.K Rowling [harry potter]. I always miss the Shakespearean style, Wordsworth, Tennyson, Byron, Keats & yeah, Tagore for sure. I try to turn the pages of Gitanjali whenever I find time. My language did undergo impact of modern western songs, be it rap or romantic or rock.
The following poem, My Love, name is derived from the Westlife song. I happened to open up my diary after 5years I wrote it. Believe it or not, but I forgot the meanings of most the words & phrases in it. I can’t believe, I wrote it once. I feel sad to loose the capability to write, I had in my school days. Anyways. Here is it-

I wonder for the day,
When my heart will speak to thine.
I wonder for the day,

Find symphony to song of mine.    

Night passed as I went on,
Lost senses in your sensational spell,
Glides across stars with breeze,
Your resplendent beauty is invincible.

My heart stolen by you,
Let it be stolen forever.
My dreams raided by you,
Let them flourish in your flair.

My heart is blown in your love,
Let it be blown forever.
I succeeded but not will you,
Have me or my heart discovered.

You lit the flame of my dreams,
Your mystique blinks stole that of mine.
My ode went on to encapsulate you,   
I left awestruck by charisma of thine.    

I still stand on banks of your rainbow,
Not for cladeance but for salvation.
I became delirious by your demeanour,
Gladiolus or Delphidium or mirage, just confusion.

For my love will never shed,
My heart ever greened by you.
Promise to be my love,
Hope my dreams come true.

I lay my life in your hands,
And wish my love will speak.

And tell this world, true love,   
Is invulnerable to their critics.

Perhaps I were born to witness,
The beauty the universe claims for.
You are the reason history reborn,
The elegance of creation is your.

I wish Him to make my love,
Immortal and enlive through generations.
You enlive my heart to die for you,
Just tell me the reason.

Seraphic seraphs sing serenade,
That’s my symphony of love vehemently.
Through thick and thin, my heart will,
Follow you, from now to eternity.

My heart missed a beat, knew nothing,
To say, when saw you first smiling.
The love bird flew past me,
Set verbatim of passion beatings.

Needless to say, you are,
The supreme blend of human passion.
Kept me waiting with heartache,
So long, tell me the reason.

How longer glimpse your glint,
Can’t help with glance.
If not fate bring you to me,
Dreams will fulfill your absence.

The pageant like your charisma,

To zenith you sent me.  
Is ineffable the desire,
For delectable enchantress like thee.

Autumn follows rains,
And spring followed winter.
But I wish not to see,
My love change anyway similar.

Your obsession ate my heart out,
But you stood up for me.
You did me good turn,
You turned over a new leaf for me.

I am Herculean for ascent of my love,
Serene Ostentations are as genuine.
I am Herculean to take bulls by horns,
Only to be gazed by your sheen.

Don’t make me called Love Lorn,
Don’t make me Sick of Love.
Made me called Love Fanatic,
You made me Connoisseur of Love.

You ran over my heart,
and my heart flew like a bird.
Many things hit upon me,
But couldn’t say a word.

I would cry for a moment,
To have you on my side.
Its desire of my soul,
Which I always can’t hide.

Wish your endurance and breath-taking,
Flash a right-handed compliment.
Hope you not will o’ the wisp,
Ofcourse not heaven such sent.

You turned me in high spirits,
And I got lost in brown studies.

As breeze blew you sensation,         
Watched my love in midst of flower valleys.

Your tiara is the crown of universe,
Illuminate the twilight with your radiance.
Sanctify me with your gestures,
Wonder the clandestine of your elegance.

You are narssicus of all seasons,
Yet you are not the narssicist.
Your eyes are telepathic of love,
Makes me impatient for your visit.

You adorn the meadows into blossom dales,
And track the crowd into carnival.
Your eyes can overshadow the sun,
Smile eternally and my zeal goes perpetual.

I flew across the sky,
With the wings of desire.
I swam across the oceans,
For one who left me to admire.

Your beauty can be explained,    
By butterflies and nightingale.
Your mind-blowing presence sets,
Beauty of Pansy Camelia mingle.

It’s the prelude of my love,
Did you like my pedantic.
This extempore is just prologue,
As you made me love’s hectic.

You are amiable and amicable,
At premium painted town red.
You live and glow in the very,
Nature’s every hue and shade.

First sight of yours was like reflections,
Of Valleys of Alps and Himalayas.
As if like the white snow,
Sprinkled over colorful flowery areas.

Like that are your glimpse,
Which appear to be light of universe.
Oh! This passion you generated,
Would sing away with romantic verse.

Oh my love! I laid down,
My arms to your charmness.
Wore my heart to sleeves,
Tried to silhouette your grace.

I am lost in translation,
Of your beauty into my language.
Love strides in arms, not eyes,
Love is madness without edge.

For love is blind,
And Shakespeare is true.
For innocence knows nothing,
Shelley would be victimized too.

Please don’t leave me,
A dreary heart thirsty.

Let a soul hail away,      
With a smile for your beauty.

Please don’t dismay me,
Beauty you can’t hide.
What’s true, can’t conceal,
You cover rose, smell will fly.

I came through a path,
Where I saw you.
I shall go away on same,
Appreciating beauty is true.

Don’t reflect it back,
For it will break something.
Enjoy praises offered by,
A stranger with nothing.

So let me breath,
In your ardour of gorgeousness.
So let me live,
In glitterings of your loveliness.

I see you in my prayers,
An angel you may be.
The moment I first saw you,
Knew my heart wouldn’t be free.

Forgive Cupid for his arrow,
Had my heart victimized.

But for entangling me in love’s maze, 
You ought to be prized.

For your presence is like,
A spell casted by Thee.
For am gone where unknown,
As heart knows its authencity.

Tell me from where you came,
For you stole me heart away.
Like fairies visiting dreams,
Like no lyric can ever display.

How can a lyric describe you,
For didn’t give a chance to analyse.
Easily had everyone bewitched,
This mischief for you is too nice.

Oh dear! You reign over hearts,
As if Helen is reincarnated.
Even moon stars left ashamed,
For venus had saluted.

You fluttered eyelashes at me,
Rang a rhythm in my heart so divine.
Knocked an adoration in my heart,
Which evolved wings to fly across your love’s shrine.

I try to get upto your coyness,
And end up to your vanity.
Forgive my foray in your perfection,
But can’t stop at you, dainty.

Look, the stars peeping out,
To catch your lips’ smile.
Stopped blinking to stare at you,
So did your eyes so agile.

Everyday the dawn greets sun,
To bloom your grace.
In the moonlight you appear,
Like marble beacons on bays.

Let the birds sing paene,
And flowers bloom in your presence.
Let the spirits be delighted,
With zephyr of your fragrance.

Your appearance at morn,
Make others in world go insane.
Like the blend of sunflowers,
At the rise of sun from orient.

Your eyes are mersmerizing,
Like dew drops on leaves as shining pearls.
You have frosted my imagination,
Proliferates charmness your silken curls.

Please Say No To Plagiarism And Piracy. Coz the original poem is still in my diary with 65 stanzas. So the actual poem is still longer than this one.

The Midnight Blog

Another night. Another segment. Thoughts always keep flowing. Specially the surge of writing blogs. Rains are trying to pour in. As I keep sweating under the ceiling fan. Summer hasn’t left yet. The bird has started chirping. This bird always disturbed my late night sleep onset from the windows of C29, my hostel room. I don’t know this bird’s name even.

Its 2am on 1^st july, 2010. Today is Doctor’s Day. Just another day in paradise in mbbs life. I just finished the exams and came back home. Exams finish and leave the tension of results. For me, results are like another pieces of death blow coming to a dead man. Well. I can’t wash off the feeling so easily. The remorses never wash away. Here in medical college. Striving hard with this medical life. I don’t know how long will I get to go. Failure after failures keep pressing me. Again and again. A moment I try to look on the other side the window pane and the whiplash comes thundering on my back, leaving me dead for another setback.

1^st year exams were of a hell kind. Surely the fault was of mine only. You fail in exams because u r unable to fill up d paper upto the mark. And u fail to do that only when u don’t know what to write. That’s simply because U DIDN’T STUDY, DUDE.

Yup. I did waste a lot of time in my 1^st year. And the outcome was shown by the results. It was somehow expected. But what I didn’t expect were the circumstances out of it. Loosing your regular batchmates was one of a hell experience.

The second feeling pours in, when u get the reaction from the faces of the people around u. The inner soul speaks within itself – u r weak. Inferior.

But the best thing is – u got an experience which they couldn’t get. U lost. They didn’t. And what the hell do I want to say. Failing is not a good thing. Never.

The way I used to reply back was by saying – “Hey u. Yes. I am speaking to u asshole. Look I failed. Do u have d guts to do that?”

The other guy used to think that I have gone crazy. No one can have a reply to such a statement.

Every exam does leave a chance to think a same way till results are declared. 2^nd year exams was all about my attendance. I was damn prepared with studies. I was expecting a good result, with good marks. But the marks showed otherwise. We passed. But marks weren’t upto the expectations. A friend of mine kept crying for low marks. I just smiled back. Proudly felt – we are the condemned ones. God did create us. But left us to feel some pains.

Condemned was the word token for us by a… let me call that old bastard a son of a bitch. That fucking old man is an emeritus professor at my college. I happened to meet that asshole at clinics. They say he is a great surgeon. All we wonder is – is this what 15 years of long studious life makes the kind of a doctor cum professor out of a man. Always running to kick some student’s ass. What hell kind of a sadist.

Anyway. Leave those assholes to wasteland. I was speaking about myself. Hope everyone has heard of the saying – Never take life way too seriously. Life is too short to be taken that way. I always end up looking at a new kind of a character at hostel. And I keep wondering – look at this piece of bastard. They are all medicos. Someday I will also land up becoming someone like one of them. But no. I want to be way different. Of my own kind. The way I always wanted to be.

Yaa. Surely. My friend Shashwat once said on phone – “dude, I have seen doctors. We know how medical students are like. But looking at ur orkut photos makes us think otherwise.” I just replied – all it needs is a hell of a struggle when the things don’t go ur way.

3^rd year exams. I just finished them. This year I worked too much at gym. Hardcore gym workouts leave u no where to perform ur next activity with full concentration. Coz u don’t have much left in u till then. Call it addiction. Call it self destruction. But I just want to do it.

I don’t know much of the coming results. Nor do I want to predict on it. I gave an ophthalmology viva that lasted for 75 mints. All other students walked out of the minor O.T, not more than 40 mints. I was allover sweaty inside the air conditioned room. Suffered what they call as Mind Block. I answered anything. Some were total bullshit. But the external wouldn’t let me go. And I left one long question on community medicine. What hurts worse is that I didn’t realize I am leaving the question whose answer I already knew. Reminds me very much of 1^st year anatomy paper.

Well. Will see to it. Whatever comes. We will face it. Have always faced it. That’s what life is. It always tells you to move on. Man can get adapted to any kind of circumstance. Be it the worst. Afterall what all these years of gym has done to you if haven’t yet learnt how to take a blow. Days in Kota. Exams on every 14^th day. I tried my very best to make up my rank. Most of the times I would be left dejected. After 2 years of struggle I turned like – “I don’t give a damn shit what rank they give me.” Then came one year of drop, staying back at home. 12^th school results weren’t good either. I was just on the verge of loosing another year, when I got through into this college. The sun showed out of the clouds of frustration.

And then I come here. I thought life would be a bit different. School life was like u r on a racing track. U got to keep running. 10 years. Early morning wake ups, then school, got to answer all class questions, come back, even if u sleep, u got to live life alongwith the minute hand of the clock. Books. Everywhere. Sukanya ma’am tried to teach me otherwise – “Arnab, don’t live ur life as a bookworm.” & I would reply – “I am giving u top ranks, then why r u worried about me?” Yup. I did try to follow her kindful & dearful advice after coming to college. But when my 1^st year results showed, I silently said to myself – “boy, u have to go back to ur old style. Life hasn’t changed.”

And I don’t want to sing – give me some sunshine, give me some rain. Nope. Not at all.

If times are hard for u, u shouldn’t expect sunshine & rain from ur ugly fate. I will love to shout back at my bad fate – “Is this all u have got? Is this the limit of how much u can make me suffer? I still have life left in me. I can still fight back.”

Setbacks are surely to continue. They want me to give my 100% into one particular direction. And when don’t do that, I am prone to failure. It is the truth. Even if I am still standing on some point of success & looking at some of my old friends’ present conditions, makes me think how much God has blessed me. When I decide to take a chance, I surely pave an open road for disappointment alongwith a road for gold. I fail, fault is definitely mine. Blame should never b d game. Above all, things I have learnt, be true to yourself, be good, do good. I have taken chances. Maybe I will be taking again. One big blow of failure sets me straight on single track with my soul telling me - straighten up, otherwise something worse will follow. With a heavy heart I walk on that road. For sometime. And then again. As time heals the pain away completely, the mind wants to sing & dance again. Fear always lunges at one end. The fear of another failure. & the pain alongwith it. & the funniest thing is that the heart sings even when its sad. “Sweetest are the songs of a nightingale when it is sad.”- Keats.

Whatever. God delivered me on this earth as a man. And now am standing, with my muscular body [coz I never skip gym], will-be-doctor someday, struggling with studies, with my parents, friends & dear ones. I don’t think books will ever leave me. I just say – DIVINE LORD, BLESS ME…