Exponential Growth Curve

Its 3 am. Somehow took out time to write something. I just wanted to write coz it has been a while I wrote something. Rishi & Kawalkar just keep asking – u havn’t written anything? That is about blog. Its good to find that your blog is secure. Secure from the ones you don’t want to make read. Very few read my blogs. Very few. Not even Pranay who got me into this blogging. Blame me for that. My writs are so long. I just can’t finish anything in a short & sweet fashion. Nothing.

Dead night surely looks good. Final year is killing me softly. Lack of freedom to do what you want to do tortures you slowly & slowly. Medicine postings starting again. All I wonder is – why can’t these fucking sadist old pot bellied professors keep going on with their everyday lives without bothering us? Fucking leave them.

Am watching some good movies. Net is connected. Akash & me are doing good with the Fribzi connection. Watched ‘Social Network’. With that I remember I wrote just now some bullshits on facebook. I was not in my senses. When am I in my senses either? Watched Guzarish & kept thinking about her. Watched ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’, got some relief. She is just muddling my mind. It started from the January 2010 & still going on. I thought she will be out of my head by the summer. But no. Rain came & her thoughts made me even sicker with the hovering dark clouds. Then came autumn. If summer heats couldn’t save me from her, how can the falling leaves of autumn do it?

All I knew is that the graph will be taking an erect parabola shape. But how much angle it will be possibly making at what time of the year, I wasn’t sure about that. I also had no idea about slanting parts. All I knew is that. That. That I was in love. Again bullshit. She just keeps creeping into my mind again & again. & this whole graph thing is just an imaginary figure of our relationship. Yeah. Sounds creepy. But it is like that.

This graph picture was a kind of déjà vu for me. Although it was showing me a parabola shape, I wanted it to be an exponential growth curve. It may become constant after some time interval. I just didn’t want it to show any kind of negative deflection anywhere.

I want this graph to go exponentially increasing upto infinity.

Hmmm. Sounds terrific.

But not exactly. After what happened in the surgery blue book. Blame the damn network for that. They kept it pending till morning. & I kept boiling here whole night. Guess I made her boiling too.

& then there was this spoiler part in my room. The spoiler part keeps coming during exam times. Either I go to the spoiler. Or the spoiler comes to me. The stories of the spoiler just kept spoiling her image in my mind. What is happening? Is the reader getting anything?

The image. Her image. In my mind. As if it is planted by God. Watered & nurtured well. Getting full sunlight & air. & its gonna become a tree with deep roots, if I don’t stop it.

The winds did tell me – She ain’t any angel.

Yet I keep singing – Ain’t no sunshine when she is gone.

Stupid. Who? I don’t know.

Frustration sucks. Frustration of not getting her. Déjà vu tells me that I won’t get her. But whats driving me crazy is my love for her. & this love bloomed out in the middle of harsh winds, heavy rainfall, severe sandstorms, of my everyday life. I just stood infront of the mirror & reflected – this love isn’t going anywhere. But no. Her smile twinkled. Her eyes flaunted. Her hairs swanked. & my heart collapsed. Surely ‘collapse’ is the right word. You fall in love. You don’t rise in love.

After that. Aftermath.

I kept praying to God for my love. Bless it. Sanctify it. Call forth it. My love.

For my love is true.

& my heart can’t live without you.

Darling! Plz don’t bid me adieu.

Woo woo.  

Wow. What a poem. But one thing I will confess. I am in love with her. Although I am serious. I will to pretend of being not serious. Coz I don’t see any good reason for this love story to even have a graceful tune.

But. Its true that love knows no reason. I now finally admit it. I keep hearing of her slip ups, her miscues. But still, I just love her. Maybe my love is true. But she cannot love me.

So I will just put an end to it here.

More. I want to become muscular again. Again waiting for some new tours. That’s all.

I just keep waiting for her. Shit. Bullshit. Why doesn’t this just end?