Sitting on the Sawangi fly-over, kept gazing at the rear lights of the train, as the Nagpur-Pune Superfast rode into the darkness.
Just then the phone rang. Vinit Mishra called up - "Where are you?"
"Wait for sometime, I am coming."
The day was a crazy piece. Waking up in the morning with the nightmare, 'what if she doesn't accept.'
Whole day passed like, 'Ok, she will call, some sms will come. She said that she will tell before leaving.'
But no.
Left Swapnil at the wards, saying that the network doesn't come in the wards, I am going to the OPD.
Even got a chance to visit GOPD, hoping to get a glimpse of her, but no.
Left the wards early at 4:30 pm, ran away without informing the pgs. 'Today, won't do gym.'
From the heart, knew how the evening was gonna pass.
At ICH, Mishra came running - "Arnab sir, what happened? Gave it to her?"
The dude almost frustrated me. Came back to room. Thoughts were running wild in the head. Closed the eyes & said - "Lets do it."
She said to wait till 6 pm. Said ok. Vedant shows up at the door - "sir aaj gym nahi chaloge?" "Nope."
Kawalkar turns up. Passing time. This talk, that talk. Its 6:25 pm. The phone rings. Time to drive off Kawalkar. Unlike last time, Kawalkar doesn't play mind games much, leaves easily. Me, got dressed, packed the bag. Lets go.
I always hated the ICH scenario. Remembered the last time I went to handover to her the last gift, Baghel was with me. Baghel kept insisting - "Go ahead alone, am not coming." This time it was just me.
No signs of her infront of the GH. Was just gonna ring her, when she showed up, with her big battalion. Was wondering - 'How to face the rest of the crowd?' Thanks to Nikita for pulling back one junior.
She came with her handbag. Hi Hello & all that. Those things weren't going into my mind only. Opened my bag.
"This is for you."
"What is there in it?"
"See it for yourself."
"Wait. I also have something for you."
Yeah. There had to be something for sure. & came out one Cadbury's chocolate. I couldn't stop my laughter.
"Bye Arnab. Take care..."
I can't recall what else she spoke. I guess I just said - "Tata." & perhaps "Happy Journey."
Turned back.
Did I see her for the last time? Nope. She is gonna comeback for some sign in fmt. & definitely we will see her wedding pics on facebook, just if she doesn't remove me from her friend list.
Dude, I didn't even get invited. Perhaps she was wise enough not to invite me. Or I was lucky enough not to get invited. Or crude enough not to be there in an invitation list where most of my friends were & them telling me - "tera naam nahi hai!"
Gossips just go on, saying, 'I will go.' 'I won't go.' With their respective reasons of going or not going to the wedding. Hardly matters for me, who goes & who doesn't. Perhaps I should wish for everyone to go, & shower their countless blessings for a happily wedded life ever after.
Todays thanks to Nilesh for his bike. I never drove a wilder way as I drove a bike today evening. & where was I going in such a hurry. Definitely not to the Wardha station to face a chirping crowd, showing their teeth, & all blah blah blah blah, & 'ma'am going for Chicago, or New York, or whatever.' 'Do come to marriage.' 'Yeah meet you there.' & her, usual lines, which go with - "Actually............."
Hmmmmmmmmmm...........................
Whatever.
Wasn't sure about where was I gonna rush with the bike. Put some petrol, met Supratim. Bastard kept telling me - "You must be going to somewhere you are not willing to tell."
Left him also behind.
Headed for the other end of the Wardha station. Ran up the stairs of the foot-over bridge. Heart beat was pounding. Some local train had come. Knew the departure time of Nagpur Pune is at 7:45 pm. Looked at the crowd at the platform. There wasn't any plus point for me to show up there. Came back to the bike stand. Drove away to the Sawangi fly over. Sat there. & waited.
The heavy loaded vehicles were creating nuisance today.
Lord knows what it felt like out there.
The train did come late, as expected. It passed like anything, with a super speed.
The phone rang. Some sms came. It was from her.
"Have a great life ahead." "All the best with your future." Am pissed with those lines.
The Titan Raga had cost some 2350 rs. Cheap one. Titan Ragas start at the price of 1500 rs. The best one, the one I really wanted to buy was 9000 rs. something. But definitely the money is not mine. Its all dad's money. They knew I would do something crazy with the money once I pass the final year. Mom kept a strict check on my pocket money. With what fucking face would I have demanded money from them either, after failing twice. It took so much to clear mbbs. My first stipend hasn't come yet, cause am still in the middle of the very 1st month. Dad's gonna retire soon too. What then! My future pg degree is also at a great stake. Couldn't even give treat to some of the best buddies like Amit Singh, Ankush, Rishi, Mohit, Steve... They all left. Gonna meet them all, stay in touch with all of them, no matter what. But what about this girl. Am never gonna meet her again. Neither would she ever wanna meet me certainly. I just wanted to give the very best I could. Just wish had I passed the final year in my first attempt. The 9000 rs. stuff was the deal then. I just couldn't do it.
Day before someone tells me they are buying a lehenga worth 80,000 rs. & then a trip to fucking USA.
Look my dear Mom, what all money can do. This dummy 2000 rs. watch is nothing infront of what she is gonna get.
Caught again in some pessimistic talk about money. Silly shit.
For the moment, I would like to finish this 12th March article.
Felt it deep inside, while sitting on the fly over, staring at the bright head-lights of the train coming towards me, 'What is it like to love someone who doesn't want to love you.'
She called it 'The Non-Receiving End'.
He he he
But whatever she was. She was great. Anything I would always be grateful to her, would be for her some futile attempts to continue to remain friends with me. She was certainly one of the best things that happened to me. Hardly matters my flunks & drops. Thats how they complete you. They can complete you even through their contempts for you. She will be missed. Remember back her lines - "We like to be missed by someone whom we miss." Surely. She is missing her best man. Hope for a great ceremony with her best man. May the best man remain best forever. What else. May she get all the happiness that she wishes for. Lord bless ya.
I don't want to sing 'Someone like you' of Adele, for her, like what I was listening to while smoking hookah (couldn't find a better song at that time) tonight. Someone like you, definitely not. Someone better than, I don't think it will work. Someone worse than you will definitely never be considered only.
If someone comes & tells me - 'You are good, you will get better.' I would simply reply back - "She was the best, whatever she did, whatever she was. Simply the best."
Back to sleeping with the tube-lights on. Last time I did this, Amit kept shouting at me why I kept the lights on whole night. There is certainly no-one to shout at me now.
Song for this article, there are countless songs. Play Bill Wither's Ain't No Sunshine When She Is Gone. Although I won't be playing any song now. Annhhnaaa... Maybe the song Emptiness will soothe me. 25th december was such a terrible time. A time with tons of foolishness. If someone tolerated those foolishness of mine, I would again be thankful to her.
Well, tonight, it rained.
I pray, that the sun comes out bright tomorrow morning. I don't wanna see a cloudy sky to start with.
Just then the phone rang. Vinit Mishra called up - "Where are you?"
"Wait for sometime, I am coming."
The day was a crazy piece. Waking up in the morning with the nightmare, 'what if she doesn't accept.'
Whole day passed like, 'Ok, she will call, some sms will come. She said that she will tell before leaving.'
But no.
Left Swapnil at the wards, saying that the network doesn't come in the wards, I am going to the OPD.
Even got a chance to visit GOPD, hoping to get a glimpse of her, but no.
Left the wards early at 4:30 pm, ran away without informing the pgs. 'Today, won't do gym.'
From the heart, knew how the evening was gonna pass.
At ICH, Mishra came running - "Arnab sir, what happened? Gave it to her?"
The dude almost frustrated me. Came back to room. Thoughts were running wild in the head. Closed the eyes & said - "Lets do it."
She said to wait till 6 pm. Said ok. Vedant shows up at the door - "sir aaj gym nahi chaloge?" "Nope."
Kawalkar turns up. Passing time. This talk, that talk. Its 6:25 pm. The phone rings. Time to drive off Kawalkar. Unlike last time, Kawalkar doesn't play mind games much, leaves easily. Me, got dressed, packed the bag. Lets go.
I always hated the ICH scenario. Remembered the last time I went to handover to her the last gift, Baghel was with me. Baghel kept insisting - "Go ahead alone, am not coming." This time it was just me.
No signs of her infront of the GH. Was just gonna ring her, when she showed up, with her big battalion. Was wondering - 'How to face the rest of the crowd?' Thanks to Nikita for pulling back one junior.
She came with her handbag. Hi Hello & all that. Those things weren't going into my mind only. Opened my bag.
"This is for you."
"What is there in it?"
"See it for yourself."
"Wait. I also have something for you."
Yeah. There had to be something for sure. & came out one Cadbury's chocolate. I couldn't stop my laughter.
"Bye Arnab. Take care..."
I can't recall what else she spoke. I guess I just said - "Tata." & perhaps "Happy Journey."
Turned back.
Did I see her for the last time? Nope. She is gonna comeback for some sign in fmt. & definitely we will see her wedding pics on facebook, just if she doesn't remove me from her friend list.
Dude, I didn't even get invited. Perhaps she was wise enough not to invite me. Or I was lucky enough not to get invited. Or crude enough not to be there in an invitation list where most of my friends were & them telling me - "tera naam nahi hai!"
Gossips just go on, saying, 'I will go.' 'I won't go.' With their respective reasons of going or not going to the wedding. Hardly matters for me, who goes & who doesn't. Perhaps I should wish for everyone to go, & shower their countless blessings for a happily wedded life ever after.
Todays thanks to Nilesh for his bike. I never drove a wilder way as I drove a bike today evening. & where was I going in such a hurry. Definitely not to the Wardha station to face a chirping crowd, showing their teeth, & all blah blah blah blah, & 'ma'am going for Chicago, or New York, or whatever.' 'Do come to marriage.' 'Yeah meet you there.' & her, usual lines, which go with - "Actually............."
Hmmmmmmmmmm...........................
Whatever.
Wasn't sure about where was I gonna rush with the bike. Put some petrol, met Supratim. Bastard kept telling me - "You must be going to somewhere you are not willing to tell."
Left him also behind.
Headed for the other end of the Wardha station. Ran up the stairs of the foot-over bridge. Heart beat was pounding. Some local train had come. Knew the departure time of Nagpur Pune is at 7:45 pm. Looked at the crowd at the platform. There wasn't any plus point for me to show up there. Came back to the bike stand. Drove away to the Sawangi fly over. Sat there. & waited.
The heavy loaded vehicles were creating nuisance today.
Lord knows what it felt like out there.
The train did come late, as expected. It passed like anything, with a super speed.
The phone rang. Some sms came. It was from her.
"Have a great life ahead." "All the best with your future." Am pissed with those lines.
The Titan Raga had cost some 2350 rs. Cheap one. Titan Ragas start at the price of 1500 rs. The best one, the one I really wanted to buy was 9000 rs. something. But definitely the money is not mine. Its all dad's money. They knew I would do something crazy with the money once I pass the final year. Mom kept a strict check on my pocket money. With what fucking face would I have demanded money from them either, after failing twice. It took so much to clear mbbs. My first stipend hasn't come yet, cause am still in the middle of the very 1st month. Dad's gonna retire soon too. What then! My future pg degree is also at a great stake. Couldn't even give treat to some of the best buddies like Amit Singh, Ankush, Rishi, Mohit, Steve... They all left. Gonna meet them all, stay in touch with all of them, no matter what. But what about this girl. Am never gonna meet her again. Neither would she ever wanna meet me certainly. I just wanted to give the very best I could. Just wish had I passed the final year in my first attempt. The 9000 rs. stuff was the deal then. I just couldn't do it.
Day before someone tells me they are buying a lehenga worth 80,000 rs. & then a trip to fucking USA.
Look my dear Mom, what all money can do. This dummy 2000 rs. watch is nothing infront of what she is gonna get.
Caught again in some pessimistic talk about money. Silly shit.
For the moment, I would like to finish this 12th March article.
Felt it deep inside, while sitting on the fly over, staring at the bright head-lights of the train coming towards me, 'What is it like to love someone who doesn't want to love you.'
She called it 'The Non-Receiving End'.
He he he
But whatever she was. She was great. Anything I would always be grateful to her, would be for her some futile attempts to continue to remain friends with me. She was certainly one of the best things that happened to me. Hardly matters my flunks & drops. Thats how they complete you. They can complete you even through their contempts for you. She will be missed. Remember back her lines - "We like to be missed by someone whom we miss." Surely. She is missing her best man. Hope for a great ceremony with her best man. May the best man remain best forever. What else. May she get all the happiness that she wishes for. Lord bless ya.
I don't want to sing 'Someone like you' of Adele, for her, like what I was listening to while smoking hookah (couldn't find a better song at that time) tonight. Someone like you, definitely not. Someone better than, I don't think it will work. Someone worse than you will definitely never be considered only.
If someone comes & tells me - 'You are good, you will get better.' I would simply reply back - "She was the best, whatever she did, whatever she was. Simply the best."
Back to sleeping with the tube-lights on. Last time I did this, Amit kept shouting at me why I kept the lights on whole night. There is certainly no-one to shout at me now.
Song for this article, there are countless songs. Play Bill Wither's Ain't No Sunshine When She Is Gone. Although I won't be playing any song now. Annhhnaaa... Maybe the song Emptiness will soothe me. 25th december was such a terrible time. A time with tons of foolishness. If someone tolerated those foolishness of mine, I would again be thankful to her.
Well, tonight, it rained.
I pray, that the sun comes out bright tomorrow morning. I don't wanna see a cloudy sky to start with.
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